


Reckless

by bookworm03



Series: The Old and The New [3]
Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Divorce, F/M, Post-Divorce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 11:21:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6193048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookworm03/pseuds/bookworm03
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's never been reckless before. Divorced Leslie AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reckless

**Author's Note:**

> HI! 
> 
> This is - tentatively - the last part in this series, although it's a fun AU so if I got any inspiration I might reopen it for that. I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Comments and kudos are amazing and make me so so so soooooo happy, so please leave some and make my day.
> 
> <3 <3 <3

She feels…

Good. 

So good. 

She’s  _ happy  _ and sometimes her cheeks hurt from smiling and whenever his name lights up her phone she has to cover her mouth so everyone around her doesn’t think she’s a crazy person when really she’s just crazy about him. 

And that’s terrifying for a number of reasons. 

For starters, she can put the brakes on their relationship as hard as she wants, but her feelings won’t obey what her brain says needs to happen. Her feelings don’t care that she’s been divorced for two months and separated for six and logically, she should still feel sad about it. She’s giddy every night while she waits for his phone call and she’s a mess of euphoric butterflies whenever she sees him. He kisses her in this incredible contrast of tender and fierce that makes her sigh with happiness while her bones light on fire. She already feels like she needs him more than she should and even though it’s all smiles and happiness, if he left her now she’d be devastated beyond repair. 

Which is completely terrifying because as much as she loved Dave, she never felt like that. 

The first time in bed with him was awesome, but she chalked it up to be a fluke simply because it had been so long. But then, the second time had been equally awesome, even more so with a little bit of confidence between them, and by the time Ben left that Sunday Leslie was itching to call Ann to rave about it, because  _ wow  _ Ben Wyatt knew how to fuck her. 

She’s always enjoyed sex fine, but she’s never craved it like this before. 

When she sees him that first Friday after their sexy weekend, she drags him against her by his lapels, feeling him laugh into her kiss. 

“Hey,” he stumbles in, using his big hands to steady her and slowing the kiss with his lips so the contact is longer and the feeling is deeper. She cups his jaw and briefly wonders if they’ll get to the  _ other thing  _ this weekend, as Ben had expressed a desire to do that last time. She’s always found this to be more intimate and, while  _ pleasurable _ , a little harder to relax during, especially with a new guy. But Ben...god she wants to do it with Ben. She can tell by the way he kisses her, by the way his jaw slots into her palm and the way he tugs just enough to send a pull of desire through her center… 

She knows she wants to try it with Ben. 

She shifts backwards, into her foyer, and Ben goes with her, but murmurs softly. 

“I missed you,” he whispers into her lips. Leslie grins and cups the back of his neck. 

“Me too. I missed you. Close the door.” 

“We have a reservation.” 

Leslie wiggles her eyebrows. “A reservation to boooooone.” 

He erupts in an easy laugh as he nuzzles his face into her neck and inhales. Leslie sighs. 

“You should’ve just brought me waffles and we could’ve eaten them naked in bed.” 

He groans, forehead dropping to hers. “I’m an idiot.” 

“Yes.” 

“I wanted to buy you a nice dinner.” 

“Because I put out.” 

He muffles a snort into her skin. 

“Because I like you and I also like you in…” he groans and slides his hands over her waist. “I really like you in this dress.” 

“You’ll like me more out of it later.” 

Ben slumps against her. “I am an idiot.” 

“Yes.” 

She giggles as he drags her out the front door and murmurs  _ we’ll eat fast _ . 

***** 

He eats her out that night. He strips that dress off of her, settles between her thighs and spends what feels like hours building her up into this slow, torturous release that causes every muscle in her body to contract at once and a scream to rip through her throat. She’s still tasting herself on his tongue when Ben sinks into her and god, she’s certain she’s never felt this good in her life. It’s like someone took a decade off her and nothing aches or groans in protest and they just go, and feel and worry about the consequences later. 

It’s reckless. She’s reckless, but she doesn’t know how else to be with her first relationship after ending the one with the man she thought she’d smile at before taking the Oath of Office. 

She can’t think about Ben being that guy instead. She can’t think about the future or the past or what this could mean for either of them. All she can do is  _ go  _ and let her nerves ignite and excitement coil within her as she falls over the edge again. 

Reckless. She’s never been reckless before. 

*****

A few weekends later, they’re out and being pretty gross at dinner, even Leslie can admit that. They just grinning and playing with fingers and smiling across the table and…

She hasn’t felt this light in so long. She told Ann that the other night. Letting herself feel, not thinking too hard, it’s amazing. It’s like she’s been struggling, tethered to something for so, so long and finally the rope broke and she’s been cut loose. She’s running and running and she’s out of control, but she doesn’t care because it’s  _ fun  _ and it’s freeing and she’s...just  _ happy _ . 

Dave had made her happy, but had she ever been  _ this  _ happy with him? She’s not sure she wants to think about that. 

Leslie sips her wine and asks Ben to take a walk after. 

“I thought you wanted to go home,” he teases gently because she’s in a constant state of wanting to jump his bones. Leslie stretches forward and pecks him lightly on the mouth, tasting the cheesecake on his lips. 

“I do, but we have all night for that.” 

The stars are out, it’s just really turning into winter, and she finds herself wondering about the holidays as they stroll hand in hand and keep smiling at each other. 

“What are you doing for Christmas?” 

“Uhhh, I mean I’ll probably head up to Chicago for a few days to see my brother and his family and my mom will be there and...so that’s something. What about you?” 

“Oh,” she bites her lip and blushes, thumb dragging along his palm. 

“What?” 

“Nothing,” she keeps walking forward, but Ben stops her. 

“Nooooooope, Knope, what’s up?” 

“Oh, it’s nothing, I just always see my mom on Christmas Eve and Ann’s going to Michigan and I was going to see if you wanted to…if you had plans.” 

“I didn’t know if that’d be weird for you,” his hand comes up to cup her cheek and his soft expression makes her feel like she’s under a hot lamp instead of out in the snow. “To do that with somebody else or...I don’t want to put any pressure on you - ”

“No, do it, put pressure on me,” she steps forward. “Put pressure on me, because I won’t put it on myself but I really, really do want to spend Christmas with you - ”

“I love you.” 

Her breath caught in her throat. 

“Look,” Ben squeezes her hand while his finger pushes into her lips. “Don’t say anything, just listen, I know it’s only been a few months and I wasn’t going to say anything because I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, but I do, alright? I love you and you can...take from that what you will and I don’t care how long it takes you to feel the same, or if you ever feel the same…” he hesitates. “I mean well, yeah, I do hope one day you feel the same but…I get it’s not now. I get you’re still figuring this out.” 

She wants to say it back, but being divorced, going through a divorce, it does weird things to how you understand your emotions and you start second guessing everything. 

Because Leslie would’ve never said yes to marrying Dave if she hadn’t thought she’d loved him more than anything and wanted to be with him forever. There was doubt there, but on the most basic level she did feel that way. Or at least, she’d thought she had. 

And she wants to be sure with Ben. She wants to be sure before she gives him permission to let his feelings grow more than they have. And she also wants to tell him, to reciprocate, to not leave him hanging, but she also needs to be certain. 

She’s never left someone hanging before. Not with a high five, not with an ‘I love you’, she’s used to swallowing her feelings and letting them wash over her. She’s used to caring more and being more upfront about caring more. 

This is uncharted territory. 

So, she’ll leave him hanging, she’ll let it ride. 

Just a little while longer. 

Just until she’s sure. 

***** 

The thing about Ben - that, again, she will always compare to Dave - is when he tells her something’s not bothering him she believes him, because he expresses dissatisfaction when he experiences it, even if he pouts about it. So when Ben says it’s okay and he gets it and his feelings aren’t hurt that she won’t say it back, she believes him. She believes he’s not resenting her under the surface or feeling overly anxious or questioning everything. 

There’s tension there (how could there not be?) as they stroll back to the car, and Ben must sense it too because by the time they’re at his Saturn he’s pressing her back against it and delivering soft, sloppy kisses to her lips. She’s smiling - she can’t stop - and he’s murmuring all the deliciously dirty things he’s going to do to her when they get home. 

All of it. She wants all of it. She wants him to undo her between the sheets and build her whole again with his soft words and kind eyes. With easy caresses and murmurs against her lips. 

She’s reckless now, remember? 

“Hey, hey hey, what’s going on here,” someone raps against Ben’s car and they both break apart. Leslie’s eyes widen and she feels him tense in her arms. 

He’s got a cop thing. He told her a few weeks before when she was blowing him and using it as a means to drag his deepest fears out. She’d asked if anything truly freaked him out about her being divorced and he’d said only that her ex-husband was a cop. He was afraid of cops. 

“Uh, what?” She senses his heart starting to pound in his chest. “Can’t do what?” 

“That,” Officer Andrews gestures between them as Ben straightens. Leslie lifts an unimpressed eyebrow and yeah, he’s definitely avoiding her gaze because he knows what he’s doing. “Public indecency.” 

He’s giving them crap because she divorced his friend and now she’s kissing another guy. 

She’s onto him. 

“I can’t kiss my girlfriend because you don’t like it?” 

_ Wow _ , why was that the sexiest sentence that had ever been uttered in history? Leslie takes his hand and steps forward. 

“I”m allowed to date someone, you guys are being jerks about it.” 

“Well,” Officer Andrews folds his arms. “Maybe we think you’re being a jerk about, rubbing it in. Breaking his heart.” 

“Dude,” Ben winds an arm around Leslie’s waist. Andrews turns back to Ben and okay, yeah, there he is. There’s the paranoid little mess she was expecting. The color drains from his cheeks and his hands start to tremble. 

Aww, he was trying to be so brave for her. 

“ _ Babe _ , let’s just go home,” she reaches for the keys in his pocket and unlocks the car. 

“Thanks for being a jerk,  _ Officer _ , but we’re going home so you can be on your way.” 

“Maybe we need to take your boyfriend in for questioning,” he shines a light on Ben. “What’s your name, buddy?” 

“His name is none of your business and we’re going home! Dave and I are divorced and he’s seeing other people too so you can stop this...whatever you think you’re doing and leave me alone!” 

Ben seems to jolt into action when she rubs his back and suddenly he’s opening her door for her and they’re climbing into the car before anything else can be said. When they’re out of the parking lot he takes her hand. 

“I suck.” 

“ _ They _ suck,” she stretches over and kisses his cheek. “When we get home you’re taking me straight to bed, by the way.” 

Her fingers dip and slide across the front of his slacks. Ben groans. 

“Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah.” 

***** 

Two weeks later Ben’s in her kitchen and Dave’s at her door. 

They’re making cookies and Ben’s kissing her skin and rubbing flour into it when the doorbell rings. She pushes the sleeves of her oversized plaid shirt up and pads off to answer it. 

Her heart stops when she sees Dave, hands in his pockets and eyes on his feet, slanting towards Leslie as snow falls around him, as though the weather’s framing his dark figure for her to notice.

“Hi. Hi uh...hi, Leslie.” 

“Um…” she rubs her forehead. “Hey! What...what?” 

“I’m back in town,” he shifts. “I uh...how...can I come in?” 

“I have company.” 

For a long time neither of them speaks, Dave’s coat growing increasingly more dusted in flakes. 

“That uh…” he claws at his cheek. “That guy you were with…?”

There’s an inflection to his voice like it’s a question. It’s not. He’ll have run Ben’s plates by now.  

“You’re spying on me?” she snaps, but without as much gusto as it probably merits. Yelling at Dave is like kicking a puppy. A six-foot tall, red-haired puppy. 

“No, no no no, they just uh…” he pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’m back. For...good.” 

“O-oh,” her pulse starts to race. “You...are?” 

“Yeah, I uh...I got a place and I’m...back at my old job. Chief’s retiring soon, so…maybe that after.” 

“Well, that’s great, good for - ”

“I’m still in love with you.” 

The pause this time is shorter, but no less significant as their gazes lock on each other and she starts to feel clammy as adrenaline rages through her. 

“Um...hey,” Ben clears his throat and Leslie winces as she turns to face him. He heard it. As soon as she sees his face she knows he heard it. 

“Oh, hi,” Dave shuffles his feet. “Um...Can we uh, have a minute here?” 

Ben doesn’t even glance at Dave. He’s watching her. She tries to smile, but it’s forced. 

“I’ll be right there,” she promises. Ben gives a little nod and murmurs a  _ nice to meet you _ he so obviously does not really mean as he disappears again. Leslie braces herself as she pivots back. 

“He’s uh...shrimpy,” Dave tries. “Not uh...not what I expected him to be.” 

“He’s sweet,” she stammers, not wanting to sound like she has anything to prove but feeling the need to defend Ben. 

“He’s funny and he’s nice and he’s kind and he’s...he loves me. He said he loves me.” 

“Well I - ”

“And I love him too,” she balls her fists, the words, her admission overwhelming her more than anything about this situation, but she can’t stop now. “And it...yes, it still hurts to see you, but I have moved on and you moved on too and then you didn’t, but I have and it’s...sticking.” 

“We…” Dave fidgets with the strings on his hood. “We made a mistake, I feel like. A lot of mistakes. I thought...we could try...we could try again back here. Because here...things were good.” 

“They were,” she agrees gently, noting the flour making her skin stiff. The flour Ben kissed into her a few minutes before. “But the...the past is the past and I’m...I’m done. I’m sorry, I know that hurts, believe me. But I’m not...I am done.” 

“Right.” 

“I’m...I’m in love with Ben.” 

“The shrimpy guy,” Dave’s lips twitch and Leslie smacks him with a laugh, a touch hysterical. Because she hasn’t even told Ben how she feels, but she’s telling her ex-husband so he’s clear. 

Dave sighs and takes her hand, kissing her knuckles and rubbing his thumb over them. 

She waits for him to say something, for them to both be sorry about everything together, but he doesn’t and maybe it’s because they’re not. Maybe they’re sorry for hurting each other, but not that it happened. 

He gives a little wave of his hand, mutters he’ll tell the guys to let her be and disappears down the steps, snow crunching under his shoes. When she turns back to the living room Ben’s there, and he’s smiling. 

No, grinning. He’s grinning. 

Leslie rolls her eyes, because he’s looking way too pleased with himself as she crosses the distance between them. As soon as she’s in reach, his arms go to her waist. 

“Sorry, what was that?” 

“You heard me,” she sighs and pushes up on her toes. He grins and lifts her into him. 

“You should probably say it anyway - to my face, not to his.” 

Whether knowingly or not, she’s been careful with her heart. She readily gives affection and friendship, but real, romantic love is more. She’s careful with that kind of love because that kind of love takes a piece of you with it when it goes. That kind of love is etched in your veins but still somehow seems the most fleeting, the most impermanent. 

You can marry that kind of love, promise to share that kind of love forever, and it can still disappear, just like that, before you even know enough to dig your claws in and hold on for dear life. 

She’s careful with her heart, especially now, but Ben makes her reckless. 

And as scary as that is, she’s okay with it. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too,” he smiles and kisses her, lifting higher so her toes leave the ground and she’s just there, in his arms. 

“And I’m not  _ that  _ shrimpy.” 


End file.
